WHAT HAPPENS WHEN....
by Cleo-And Tsunami
Summary: *CHAPTER 2 UP IT IS MUCH BETTER THAN THE 1ST!!*, IT IS MUCH BETTER THAN THE 1STHE INSANITY HAS BEGUN!!! OK PPL, I WAS BORED, AND IT GIVES ME SOMETHING TO DO, AND IT WAS FUN TO WRITE!!!! WONDER WHAT HAPPENS, WELL READ THEN. FIRST CHAPTER, LEGOLAS.
1. Default Chapter

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN LOTR MEMBERS GET TO MUCH TO DRINK!!!!

                        By: Cleo

Now, this is because I have had too much pop and am bored…

LET THE INSANITY BEGIN~~~~~

Chapter 1- WHEN LEGOLAS GETS TOO MUCH TO DRINK!!!! 

"A beer please." An elf said, walking up to the counter in a inn. 

"But we are out of it." The short man said. 

"Beer, now." 

"Y-yes." The man stuttered, running away.

1 ½  HOURS LATER

"Another (hic) beer (hic) please." Legolas said. 

"Sir that would be your 14th cup!" 

"Your right… (hic)…but I counted 12312413243 ½ cups."

"Right…"

"Well… (hic)…I'll be le-(hic)-aving."

1 HOUR AFTER THAT~~~~

 "Where am I?"  The elf asked himself. There were a lot of trees and one house. "My house!" he exclaimed. 

He walked in and there were a family sitting by the fire. They all turned to look and Legolas started screaming. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE, NOT (HIC) YOURS, MINE!! (HIC, HIC, HIC)"  

The scared hobbit family ran out of there burrow and hide far in the forest were they all got eaten by wild animals. 

"Now…what to do…the place needs cleaning… (Hic)…do trees migrate?" he asked a picture on the wall. When it didn't reply, he asked again.  "Fine then be that way." And then he shoved his fist through it. 

"I have to go to Mt Doom."  He walked out of the house, and got on the small pony. He galloped off with his feet dragging on the ground.

SOME ODD TIME LATER~~~ (HE IS STILL TIPSY)

He reached Mt Doom, and by now he has no tips of his shoes and his toes are cut and bleeding. "Doomsy Babe! Come home with me!!" he yelled at the mountain. "You know your still in love with me and I am nothing with out you."

(IN his imagination!!!) 

The mountain leans toward him. "I love you Legolas, and I always will, and you're nothing without me!!" 

(End of imaginary crap) 

A LOT OF HOURS LATER, AND YES, HE IS STILL DRUNK!!!

In someone's yard, there is a huge mountain, and families, horses, oxen's, and those walking tree things attached to it by chains. Legolas is snapping a whip and yelling "Ya animals ya!!!" 

"Halo Gandalf!" Legolas called to a tree. "How are you today, not dead yet? Well, I'll help you solve that problem." And he shoots four arrows at the tree. "Ha, there, your dead!" 

2 HOURS LATER!!!

 He arrives at his 'house', and unhooks everyone. "Now Doom, that I have returned you to your natural habitat with migrating trees and chairs, I shall sleep then make sweet love to you my dear Doomsy." And as he ended his sentence he passed out on the ground. 

Ok, I told u I was bored, and I don't really give a shit about if it sucks or not, it gave me something to do besides burn the house down.  I think I might make other chapters, and they will be better, bc then I can actually think of funny things. 

Now, push that purple button that says "submit review here" and submit a review. 

Insanity over for now. 

p.s.- I don't care about grammar, I would rather forget that for now since school stars in 9 days! Then my life is over. 

MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! 

NOW GO AND PUSH THAT LITTLE BUTTON!!!!! 

*the freak on a leash* 


	2. CHAPTER 2 OF INSANITY

CHAPTER 2 OF THE INSANITY

**WHEN LOTR MEMBERS GET TO MUCH TO DRINK: FRODO/SAM**

"A toast to Rose's and your 12 child!"  Frodo said, having a toast with Sam. 

"Yeah, and I (hic) had a lot of fun making that 12 child. (hic)"  Sa replied, by now, he was already very drunk. 

"Sam! Not out loud!" 

"Say Mr. Frodo, Sir, (hic) I think (hic) we should have a (hic) drinking contest."

"Sam, I don't think that is a good idea…"

"C'mon…don't (hic) chicken out on me Sir…"

"Alright Sam…" Frodo said. _"Why did I just agree?"  _

"Ok, on your (hic) marks…get set… (hic)…GO!" Sam screamed and Frodo and he started chugging the pints. 

After 30 minutes, Frodo stopped not able to drink anymore with out regurgitating it. 

After 45 minutes, Sam was still chugging it down.

After 1 hour, Sam was still going. He grabbed another glass, and bung it to his lips, started drinking. He emptied the class and then suddenly upchucked in it. 

"Sam! (Hic) I think you're done for (hic) tonight…" Frodo said, stumbling up. 

"Ok Mr. Frodo…" Sam said, upchucking on the bartender before getting up. 

As they walked, or stumbled rather, to Frodo's house, Sam decided he had to piss. "Hold on Master Frodo, I have some business to attend to real quick like." And he walked over to a bush. 

10 minutes later Sam was still going.

15 minutes later, he was still relieving himself. 

17 minutes later he finally ended. "Ah much better…(hic)…AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  He screamed and fell to the ground, rolling and crying, holding his wanger. 

"Frodo! Help I zipped up Mr. Handcock here in my zipper!! Poor Mr. Handcock!" Sam screamed, looking at the zipped up third leg. 

"You named your (hic) dick?" 

"Don't call Mr. Handcock a dick!! He talks to me a lot… he really talks to me when I jump in the sac with Rose." 

"Disturbing yet interesting… (Hic)" 

"Touch him Master Frodo, I am too afraid…he might not be alive…"

"Um…Sam…How about I go get (hic) Rose?"

"No! I don't want her to know Mr. Handcock is hurt!" 

"(Hic)…But… (Hic)"

"For Mr. Handocock!!" 

"Ok… (Hic)." As Frodo said this he poked 'Mr.Handcock'.

"Did you touch him, I didn't feel it… (Hic)" Sam said, and Frodo tapped it harder this time.  Sam shook his head. Frodo smacked it this time. Sam shook his head again. Frodo looked around and saw a stick and smashed Mr. Handcock with it. "I FELT IT!!!!!!"  Sam screamed and started to cry. 

Frodo feeling sorry for Sam and being drunk started to sooth Mr. Handcock by rubbing it. "Is he dead Master Frodo?" 

"Well…the little mister is limp…" he said while rubbing it. "Wait, I see some movement!"

"Harry Handcock is alive! Kiss him for me since I am paralyzed."  Sam said, and Frodo bent down and as soon as his lips touched Harry Handcock, the door opened to the house and an old woman stepped out.

"What is all this commotion?" she asked, and looked down. Frodo was frozen in place, eyes looking at the old lady. She started gasping for breath, and fell down and started having some sort of seizure. 

10 minutes later, Frodo finally moved, and by now the old lady had stopped having seizures and lay motionless.  

Frodo walked over to feel a pulse, and there was none…He turned to Sam and shook his head. Sam suddenly gasped, and he heard someone else walking to the door. 

"Run." Sam whispered and he got up, and pulled Harry out of the zipper of death, and ran, Frodo close behind.

"Grandma? GRANDMA! NO!!!!"  The little girl screamed.

********!!!***

Ok, I think this is a lot better than the 1st chapter. Review please. 

*freak on a leash* 


	3. CHAPTER 3 OF THIS HORRIBLE INSANITY

**Chapter 3 of the horrible insanity!!!**

**What Happens When….  Chappie 3: Gandalf**

"I need a drink…" Gandalf said. He had spent the day making fireworks and keeping an eye on Frodo. As he walked up to the counter of the small bar in the shire, he thought to himself about how to make another firework display. "Beer please." He said to the bar tender.

"Gandalf, you a beer?" the man asked.

"Yes, as I said, beer please. And some crackers to go with that." 

**3 beers later.**

"More crackers please." Gandalf slurred at the man. The man gave him crackers, and he ate them quickly. "Someone took MY crackers…well, I hope that choke on them and that they burn in the fiery pits of Mt. Doom…" and as he said this, the woman waiter passed out and dumped beer on him. "Stupid woman." He said, and got more beers and crackers. 

**7 beers later. **

"I think I shall be leaving now… (Hic, hic, hic, hic)" Gandalf said, walking very unsteadily out of the bar. He got on his horse, and started to walk off. What he hadn't noticed is that he had got on backwards. "Where's your damn head?" he asked the animal, and bent over. That was the time the horse decided to take a toot. "Oh…brush your teeth butt breath." He spurred the horse into a gallop, and leaning over slightly, he came right off the horses back. On the ride to Frodo's house he fell off a total of 7 times. 

When he got to the hobbits house, he opened the door, and walked in. Sam and Frodo were playing a nice quiet game of chess, and Gandalf started screaming. "Oh my dear God! I've walked in on a giant hobbit sex pit! What am I to do?"  Gandalf stood and thought a while. "I know! Can me and my wife join?" he said, indicating the horse. 

"Gandalf…you don't have a wife, this isn't a giant hobbit sex pit, and that is a horse." Frodo said, getting up. 

"DO NOT SAY THAT THIS BEAUTIFUL PERSON IS NOT MY WIFE, FRODO BAGGYBALLS."  Gandalf bellowed. "(Hic)" Frodo started walking towards Gandalf and Gandalf took off at an unsteady run away from Frodo. He was dragging the horse behind him, and he finally stopped by his cart. "I found you love!" he screamed to one of the fireworks in his cart. "Back off you whore!" he screamed at the horse, and shooed it away. He hopped in the cart with the fireworks, and started kissing and hugging the huge firework. 

The unfortunate thing for Gandalf was there was no horse hooked up to the cart, and it was at the top of a large hill. He moved and put the firework on top if him, still kissing it and hugging it. "There is only one way to get you excited? Set you on fire you say?" he asked the firework, and set the fuse on fire. "There that better hunny buns?" he asked. 

All the sudden the cart went shooting down the hill, and Gandalf was screaming, "Whoa, you really get excited!" 

As Gandalf, the cart, and all the fireworks reached the bottom of the hill, he kissed the large firework saying, "Boy, your getting really hot." And at that point, the firework exploded with Gandalf hugging it. That caused a chain reaction, and all the other fireworks blew up. Now there was no cart, no fireworks, and Gandalf was on the ground, passed out, and burnt and beardless. 

***!!!***

There, that's good for Gandalf…picture him without a beard. Scary, huh? Well, review. It isn't that hard, believe me. 

*Cleo* 


End file.
